I Draw, I Write, I'm Drown

a chat with universe

2011-02-28T11:57:00.000-08:00

I'll remember the night I made my decision in which, for the first time, it makes me feel at peace.
I'll remember tonight, at 3.42, I have made the decision that make myself happy.

Universe, our old friend had told me the right thing for me to do, a decision that wouldn't make everyone happy but makes me relieve. A decision that set me free from all the non sense and unfair things that had happened in my life for quiet some time and almost forgot who I am and what I really want in my short life.

The universe had taught me to be aware of signs and good signs are going to lead me to my treasure island. Good signs, I have learned my lesson, are not always positive, sometimes they are rocky, painful, stink, ugly like hell, looked impossible to get through it, BUT, it had trained me and shaped me to be someone stronger, better in character and more mature. And the reward for it is called, once again, our forgotten friend, 'time'.

Tonight I had chat with both of my old time friends. Time and universe, the two endless living beings that always stay with me side by side and I have been ignored them since then. Well, they are really good friends. Universe, had given me cliff to climb, jungle to get through, hot sun to strengthen me, and snow to freeze and to kill the lights inside of me. Time, had always with me, but it seems we're running in different direction, or maybe, sometimes, I'm running away from time. Time and Universe had once become my nemesis.

Universe taught me once, "follow me, the voice in your heart, your surroundings, your so called words of wisdom."

Universe had taught me too, "have time with TIME, she's precious and you don't want to miss a thing."

Universe had also taught me, "talk to me everyday, respond to me, there you can find your way when you're lost."

I have forgotten those things.

I barely stare at the dark and talk to the king of the endless, the God, you may call him. I barely talk to myself, through the words of wisdom from the books I bought, and most importantly, to talk with my mortal friends. I CAN'T catch up with time, can't even talk and sit with universe.

I'm a one lonely bastard until universe dragged me for a moment and talk to me in private, through the city lights of Jakarta, the beautiful rain drops, the scolding of my mom, my father's white hair, and most of all the fucked up document that can't be provided. I took them as soft spoken sign from the endless.

Then one moment it has been decided, and at the moment, time and universe seems to get back to me again, or MAYBE, i get back to them, we hug like we've never met before. I hope we can be friends again mates.

You're my allies to success.

U turn

2011-02-13T10:23:00.000-08:00

God allows u turn.

I was selfish and full of pride, and in the other way to describe, I was uncalm and indecisive. It's all started on the thinking that once I graduated I have to work outside Indonesia (at least in Malaysia, where I graduated from). I did. I graduated with the highest distinction, left some trace of legacy called 'SPARKS'. And ended up working here.

It's not bad at all. I was happy and excited, I love my job, I learn a lot about design. However, in every decision here is the sacrifice that I have to make. Myself. I have sacrificed myself, my time, my reading time, my time to do my own work, my time to do painting, my time to be involved in graphic design, my time to do sport, my time for me to 'live'. I realized that these days, the best moment for me is when I drove alone at Jakarta in the middle of the night, watching all the nightlights, the dim lights of the stores that are about to close, the rain outside and the citylights. I have said in my previous post before that I don't belong to KL, where I'm staying now. It's beautiful here, when my friends are around, now it's fading. There's no more laugh and unexpected trip somewhere, there's no more friday football night, there's no more boob gazing in sunway, there's no more rough night when we have to stay awake until 5 am or mamak in the early morning.

God I feel lonely. I miss the feeling of missing someone. I miss everyone that I've missed, my high school friends, my friends in Jakarta, and to know that they are enjoying their lives there, makes me feel sooo jealous. Some more, a wise chat with Karen last time had brought me to this decision, a moment with Lucky and Ruli had brought me to realisation that what life is about is not always about pride, but life is about taking chances. I have tried to proof my stubbornness by making rash decision to stay here and sacrifice my 'happiness'. Well, maybe that mistake is one thing that brought me to Angel and by that, no regret, these 5 months were the best months.

I'm excited to go back to Jakarta, to that jam city. I'm taking chances. Universal languages are what I'm trying to decipher these days. I'm Santiago who's looking for treasure. Maybe my treasure is not there in pyramid called KL, but there in the grassfield of traffic jam in Jakarta? treasure big enough to bring me to my Edensor, London.

I'm being random again :), well, I don't intend to go back and delete some unecessary stuffs that I wrote.

anyway, you're not allowed to undo when you live in this life right?

I can't wait to go back.

dis con nect ed.

2011-01-08T12:18:00.000-08:00

I'm a wanderer and a wonderer. I wonder a lot about a lot of things lately, about myself, about what I really want in my life, about my job, about my relationship with my family and friends.

Just today, I walked around KL at night, watching all the busy streets, active KL citizens, tourists, the cityscape, the traffic which is slightly better than jakarta. I wonder, do i belong here? Definitely not. I don't belong here, I don't belong to this city, to this place. I want to go further and further away, away from this continent, to the other, I want to see the world. I want to see London, New York, Paris, Milan, Rome, Bern, Amsterdam, I want to see the world more.

I have decided that I don't want to continue working in KL after I finished my contract here. I want to fly, away and away, I want to see the world.

I love my current job, eventhough it's totally new and full of hard times, but I've made it and my commercial has been aired in Indonesia :) but well, job is job, I'm still a junior, I want to grab all the learning that I could grab here, and then, let God decides. If God permitted, I would like to go there, to London.

The Highlight of 2010

2010-12-31T11:49:00.000-08:00

Just watch ESPN today and there's a review about every team in the leagues. Well, I'm tickled to do the same thing about my 2010 :)

MONOPHONE.
One of every student's dream is to left a legacy to their alma mater so that they can look back and smile and feel proud that they have physical legacy that they can proud of. MONOPHONE is a project that Merah Putih Club 2009 - 2010's legacy, my legacy. To look back on how we started our period of service with no money, no fame, nobody, conflict, and in the end, we achieved MONOPHONE, our main event in which is very successful. There, I learnt about advertising method, the importance of marketing in design, the importance of communication, teamwork, and the most important, solidarity.

IDEA RAWKSTARR.
Here, I found my long lost confidence, my long lost childish wild dreams, my inner self. I can't tell you how much 95% (Janet, Peter, Shahknaz, and friends) had contributed to my self development, get to know me, work with me, I'll show you why this training had changed my life and lots of people's life. I'm very grateful for that they have done to me, or maybe what they have done to shape me to become what I am now.

SPARKS.
You guys are pain in the ass, I have to remind you again and again, eventhough my mouth is a bitch, my attitude is shit, but I miss you guys a lot and IF I COULD, I WOULD PAY so that I could turn back the time and enjoy that shit situation again. I miss you guys a lot. There's a lot that I want to say about SPARKS, how it had changed my life (again) and the other members, how it had challenged and inspire other people, how it had moved people.

GUYS! WE HAVE DONE A GREAT JOB! YOU SHOULD BE PROUD OF IT! Every shit that happens there, let it remains there. I can't tell you how proud I am to be one of the shaper of the brand that we created, brand that last forever, brand that speaks as it is, We Are Sparks, we are the beginning of all the great things that soon will happen. We are the pioneer of innovation, evolution, and also development. We are the SPARKS, we might have failed to reach the moon, but yet, we reached the stars, we are there guys! we are one of the people that had made lots of changes.

I just have a chat with my old long lost lecturer (Stone, yes, that prick), he told me to move on. To tell you the truth, I enjoy being in this pain. I'm a sucker for this pain, I miss my friends, and let me remember and cheerish all the shit that we've been through together.

ANGELINE
Dear, you were always there for me even before we are together. You are the hidden force, and for that, I really appreciate what you have done to me, your patience to my short temper, your patience to my ignorance, your understanding to my unstable working hour. You are a gift from God that comes quiet late :) I love you, and thanks for being with me :)

I'm Still Alive (not in my comfort zone)

2010-12-24T00:31:00.000-08:00

I've been wandering for months, thinking about my passion, my love, my work, my dream, my ego, my status, my position, and most importantly, the question of what I gotta do?

my boss always says "You gotta do what you gotta do"

or in the other hand, it's all about survival issue. I'm still alive, despite of all the crazy over nights at office, despite of all the wrong renders, all the rejection and revisions, all the shitty things behind everything that me and colleagues do. I'm still alive, happy, as always.

I feel lonely sometimes, I wonder how could some people take it, having Christmas celebrated in office, not with the loved ones at home, (well, in this case, my loved ones are not with me, they are either in Bangkok or in Jakarta). This is the first Christmas that I spend without my parents, I used to drive them to church and bitching to my dad about how hard to get a park in restaurant for Christmas.

Here is different now. After last year, everything had changed.

Anyway, i believe every process of life either bad or good are just like spices in our food. They will create something, they will taste beautifully delicious at the end of the day.

If this shit feeling to go online in Nando's to do some homework research for my upcoming project and spending Christmas not with my parents can strengthened me in the future. I'm okay with it and I keep assuring my self that everything is gonna be alright.

I miss my friends in Jakarta, I skipped two of their wedding, I might as well missed another reunion in Bandung soon as we have another "big match" (new big project) in January. But heck, I don't give a damn. I'll do it, just like what my boss had said, you gotta do what you gotta do.

Currently, I'm happy in a weird way. I have a good housemates, including my girlfriend who stayed with me during holiday and had been a great support to me. All your cook books, your smell in my room and in the living is great. I wanted to spend time, talk to them as I'm pretty sure that this kind of feeling have been underestimated while we're in uni, locked ourselves in our own room and barely go out and talk.

I personally found that talking, laughing, direct emotional interaction with friends or people are the most incredible entertainment and inspiration that you can find.

In a creative profession, I'm having crisis, I miss doing all graphic design thingy, yet I feel attached and curious about my new job as a motion designer. Anyhow, I'm enjoying both. Janet always mentioned about comfort zone, I'm not in my comfort zone now, and struggling everyday to learn, to bear, to earn, to gain, and to release and also, to appreciate. Most of people, after they graduated, have to bear the pain of being jobless for couple of months or a year or years. and I got a job rightaway after I graduated, only my visa is a shit.

I looked back at my portfolio, and been thinking to fix it, to add direction to what I'm gonna do in a future.

The Glamorous World of Design vs Fresh Grads

2010-11-18T12:14:00.000-08:00

I idolized Stefan Sagmeister since 2007 when I accidentally attended a so called creative conference met the first graphic designer in JCC. I saw his expensive laptop with that funny logo (apple), the way he speaks, and the way he laughs. Whats got into my mind, and I believe most people think this way, if we can do a bit and pieces in photoshop, can draw well in canvas, wew, we can be a graphic designer like him! Famous, awed by all the students in the world (I assume), and cars! branded stuffs! designer clothes! expensive shoes, etc and etc.

Luxurious, consumerism, and postmodern lifestyle had consumed me quiet much that I have forgotten the very basic thing of life. What I earn reflects my capabilities in doing things, yes, price is never lie, price represent quality.

And living in glamour, being cool, are all identities that had been absorbed by immaturity mindset of a student like me. I have great expectation of how designer is desperately needed by society! Yes, i thought of that, i believe that without design, this life is so fucked up, just like me, living without pork. I thought of lots of things to convince myself that being designer is cool. I saw some of my friends got carried by the flow of "how to be designer", oh sorry, maybe it's more like "how to LOOK like a designer". Skinny jeans, vinyl toys, indie tees, tattoo, piercing, indie band, drugs, cigaret (even the way they smoke), long and messy hair, being super skinny like a drug, a belief that being designer u have to at least feel 'fly' once by using some stupid pills or alcohol, etc. Well, I'm not totally against those stuffs, what's got into my mind, the core of how we look like is the way we think, which will reflect the way we performed in public.

I have good conversation with a friend of mind of the identity crisis among graphic design students which is funny! some is always late to come to class, always fail to submit or present on time, and their works are totally confusing that no one could understand! seriously. Now, they start to call themselves "creative", and they call all the people who submit on time, "sheep". This is the funny thing and this conversation dragged us til dawn.

Both of us are good students, well yes, I always got straight aces, and our similarity is that we don't even give a damn of what people think. We just do what we feel was right. And just like me, this friend of mine, she also suffers the same syndrome of "why there's a lot of shit at class? I don't like being in class, etc". And to tell u the truth, she is super nerd. Just like that Marian Bantjes :)

My point is and we both agree that students need more exposure to the world in industry, so that they could feel, this is the thing that I'm lacking and I'm working on it. I need more time to fly, to fight in the battle, to burn my passion all the time, just like what my boss had reminded us, employees all the time. Burn it! Flame it, and let other people feel the little sparks we produce and let the other lights came up and we burn together and we create a brighter light. That's why I love to chat with this nerdy girl, my ex classmate who's now quiting her job as a designer! what a shameee!!!! hahahahaha...

And back to the topic. The glamour, the coolness of being graphic designer are earned from hardwork, from endless negotiations, endless talks, endless revisions, endless tracings, endless drawings, endless sketches, endless brain dumps, endless trial and errors, endless experiments, endless interviews, endless focus groups, endless research, endless questions, endless readings, endless sleepless nights, endless fucked up clients, etc. If before I filled up that form for UPH and LUCT, and my teacher told me that, maybe i would take accounting instead. BUT HEY! I love drawing too much, in math class I drew, why I almost fail in my high school is because I'm too in love with drawing! and then, photoshop! I love doing that.

In my previous blog, I wrote about myself complaining over and over about my freelance job. Fucked up clients who doesn't know how to appreciate design process, late payment, late payment, super stupid unnecessary revision. My wise dad smiled and then replied, if these jobs are so difficult for you, why are you trying so hard for it?

There, I found where is my passion, and fortunately, I'm pretty sure that I'm good in what I'm doing right now! and I can always do better.

My only regret is my low exposure to the world of industry which is not as easy as it seems. Nobody knows what made Sagmeister a Sagmeister! He wrote in his book that he has to stay overnights in Leo Burnett Headquarter in HK, got scolded badly by Tibor Kalman, etc. I have no experience, I listen to people around me, and my conclusion is, being designer is not cool at all, OR, to correct it, it doesn't look cool unless you know the process. Yes, every job that earn lots of money came from hardwork and hardcore works. My seniors here had proof that.

quality always defines the price, and quality always comes from true heart, I believe in that. I've been working as a freshman for almost 2 months. So far, I'm happy with where I am at.

And I always love what I'm doing.

*for god's sake, I need illustration freelance job."

How if you can read the stars?

2010-11-13T07:48:00.000-08:00

All This Time

2010-10-02T13:54:00.000-07:00

All This Time - One Republic

Six on the second hand

Two new years resolutions

And there's just no question
What this man should do

Take all the time lost
All the days that I cost
Take what I took and
Give it back to you

All this time
We were waiting for each other
All this time
I was waiting for you
We got all these words
Can't waste them on another
So I'm straight in a straight line
Running back to you

I don't know what day it is
I had to check the paper
I don't know the city
But it isn't home

But you say I'm lucky
To love something that loves me
But I'm torn as I could be
Wherever I roam

Hear me say

All this time
We were waiting for each other
All this time
I was waiting for you
We got all these words
Can't waste them on another
So I'm straight in a straight line
Running back to you

Yeah, all, running back to you
Yeah, all, running back to you
Yeah.....
Oh, every time is so far
It's just so far
To get back to where you are

All this time
We were waiting for each other
All this time
I was waiting for you
We got all these words
Can't waste them on another
So I'm straight in a straight line
Running back to you
I'm straight in a straight line
Running back to you
Straight in a straight line
Running back to you

The New Beginning

2010-09-24T14:44:00.000-07:00

"Soon baby, soon"

I've been lurking around for these 4 weeks in Jakarta and here again, back in KL. What's new is that I'm going to start working on Monday. For that, I'm so grateful and happy for myself (yes, I'm proud of myself because of that).

There's people saying that getting a work permit here is difficult. I'll try my best to break the myth and to show that there's nothing impossible if I'm willing enough to get it.

I'm happy to hear that some of my friends already started working. It's great to find out that either me and my friends shared the same piece of story of anxiety and awkwardness before we got our first offer letter. I didn't do much these days, I spent my days reading books and going around the cities to 'see' more. What's sad from my study is that I have been away from the world of human for the sake of creating a better portfolio. I was wrong, eventho I have no regret in it. I feel the need to increase the capacity and the quality of my time in life even more starting Monday. hehe.

I used my time to forget and to accept, to forgive and to learn, to think and to dream, to make new commitment, to get more inspirations, to get more injection of new knowledge which I'm craving about. I found out that some of my friends whom I had left in Jakarta had turned out to be wonderful people. I can't wait to sit in the same league as them.

My job? Well, I've been aiming to be 'Sagmeister' ever since I'm in senior high school. I tried to follow his path, I tried hard to think like him, and now I realized that I can't be him at all, but perhaps, I can be someone in the same level like him in the upcoming future. Well, I'll work harder for that. I decided to be a motion designer instead of graphic designer, the thing that I'm really confident with myself. I showed my portfolio to Janet last month, and her feedbacks really brought back my confidence about me doing multimedia stuffs. Well, it's not a goodbye to prints, I still love prints and in the bigger word, I love design like never before. My absence from being productive this one month feels good, and I can't wait to start creating something that could earn me some living.

and here are the lists of what I want to achieve this year, it seems that I have crossed some:

1. Graduated and won watever award
2. Make my parents cry of happiness
3. Get into Idea Rawkstarr
4. Forget and forgive
5. Inspire other people and make more connections with more people
6. Got my drawings printed on t-shirt and people are crazy about it
7. Got job offer on the spot for the sake of pride
8. Do some integrated design (applied branding)
9. Got my art exhibition before I reached 30

I got 9 goals crossed from my 100 list. Well, all I can say is that I had learned something in my study and will continue aim for more by Monday when I start working.

Cheers :)

Some inspiring design stuffs that I found

An Ad that is so sweet and so beautiful as it reached me :)

I'm not a gadget geek or Apple freak, I'm just a fan of sensitive idea that could reach people. All the people in the world knows that Iphone is an over rated products that offer a 'so so' technology with craft design and spiced up promotion. Well, all I can say, Apple had brought up the revolution to the marketing and branding by using the so called emotional value as the proposition. As for me, it works a lot. People will go "aaaw" when they see this ad, it's beautiful

business card design, well, my friend here sucks a lot in doing whatever related to Ai as his laptop is still that mighty stupid Acer and always crashed whenever he wants to save the files. Well, Mac here came to save the day. His idea is good and it's very easy to execute things when the proper brief and explanation has been given in such a way that will engage me and motivate me. I don't mind helping people as long as they show great intention and great motivation.

About Religion

2010-09-05T09:15:00.000-07:00

Religions are languages created by human to define love.

e m o

2010-08-21T14:43:00.000-07:00

Oh yes, this mixed feeling right before I stepped out from E63a A always infected me with lots of thoughts of pro and cons. Well, eventho some people believe that this place-so-far-away from home is a shit hole, I have no regret that I spent my 3 years in this country.

I'm not saying this because I want to go back tomorrow and not going back here again, no! Hell, yes, I want to work here, the first step of me embracing my future will be started here in KL.

What I want to say, KL won't be the same anymore. Walking around KL, stalking the chicks in malls, eating like animal in Asia Cafe, watching silly movies in GSC, skipping classes with lame excuses such as 'traffic jam' - hell, no, in cyber we don't know traffic jam. Well, all the beautiful memories, I believe, are beautiful as God had put an end to it and invited us to open a fresh new page. I believe in the flow of time and flow of life, this thing must happened to me. Separation from my dear friends.

I don't know if in the future, I might be able to meet up with such awesome friends like people whom had SPARKS together with me. Some more, we SPARKS twice. I don't know if in the future I'm gonna meet awesome people like Suma, Gideon, Batak, Novia, or Willy, I don't know if in the future I might have any chances to make fun of Novia or Annie, or even Mr Stone, I don't know if my silly excuse for being late like 'traffic jam' would be easily accepted by my boss. I don't know what my future would be. However, I believe that it will be great. I'm destined to greatness, and so are you.

I'm sad, terribly sad, I just feel that this semester just started, hearing those noises from juniors, scared them with the facilitation stories, and funny stuffs, are just making me jealous. Well, I miss those days when we spend sleepless night doing journals. I miss those days when we decided to go to KL in the middle of the night. I miss those nights, I miss those laughter, I miss those people (most importantly).

I can only keep hoping and believing that the flame of passion that we have shall never out of fuel. I believe that we'll see each other again and it's only a temporary goodbye. My dear friends wherever you are, I wish you all the best, I hope your flame will always burn and reach people around you, and reach us, wherever we are. I hope you guys could achieve all your dreams, and one day when we meet again, we will laugh together again.

I have no regret spending my 3 years here. No matter how shitty our school and our system is, no matter how hot Cyberia is, no matter how expensive car rent costs, no matter how difficult after effects is, no matter how difficult to understand different language, no matter how tricky those camera angles and camera shots, because you were there.

and all that matters. you are the greatest teachers, the deepest inspirations, and the greatest challenges.

you are the best, and SPARKS forever.

The Trees and The Wild

2010-08-12T22:32:00.000-07:00

Line art by Michael Monstore
check out monstore clothing

SPARKS 2.0

2010-08-05T21:16:00.001-07:00

and yea, we sparkled twice. and all that matters. hope this sparks remain in your heart, people whom had greatly involved, people from the previous SPARKS, and also people whom now, are our SPARKS family.

To Design Circus, to MAP KL, whom had helped us A LOT.

To the deceased Jordan, I hope, wherever you are now, you are in a better place. I don't know you personally, but Pat told me great things in you and your contribution in our celebration of journey will be a reminder of us.

To my friends from semester 7 and 8, you guys are great and had proven that you deserved to be here with SPARKS. Your commitment, your determination, your ideas, your unconditional feeling to help had created beautiful signature in my heart and in my head.

and to my fellow companion from SPARKS 1. I'm honored and proud to be able to work with you.

The New Begining After The End

2010-07-11T05:47:00.000-07:00

Back to life again! Finally I got a totally free time to write stuffs. 14 days before I'm officially not a student anymore, 14 days to an end of a 4 years of journey. Here, I want to re-tell the story of myself within this 4 years, a miracle in my life that brought me to Malaysia, a miracle that triggered me to write this.

I started with my statement, my belief that "There's no such things as accident, everything happened for reason". For 'reason' I call my reason as 'God'. God is the reason for everything happened in my life, everything that brought me this far from home and reason for me to have a goal in my life.

I was not 100% Limkokwing student, I mean, I didn't spend 8 semesters wearing black emblem. I was once a student in a local private university in Jakarta, University Pelita Harapan. There, I met some wonderful friends, some, I have known them since I was in junior high school. Well, with them, I'm happy. I have no complains if I have to finish 4 years of my uni-life with them, in Jakarta. Deep down, I've always wanted to study abroad. To feel the freedom from the grasp from my parents (well, maybe you can feel it too), then to experience what it's like to live far from them and live own my own. Everything happened just like that, I finished my first semester with my mom and my dad always scream right beside my ears as for them, I was considered lazy and stuffs. My mid semester result had sealed their mouth off. 3.75! With some tiny little As. Since then, my parents never complain about my academic method. Eventho, my dad still gives me his advice until now, but, complaining to me about my result? Never. Since then, I realized that my parents had finally acknowledged me as a young adult. For me, it's a challenge to pay back what they have given to me. Trust. with responsibility.

Then, lots of things happened and suddenly, my parents asked me to sit with them and talk about me going to study abroad. Without hesitating, I said Yes. I said goodbye to my friends, there, I experienced the first lesson of life. To say goodbye is not easy. Because, I have to face the fact that people change, and there's no way things are going to be the same.

In my isolated room in Kelapa Gading, I pursued my first semester of living apart from my parents, eventho I still have to live with them in the weekend. Limkokwing University is the place where I decided to pursue my degree. In Jakarta, I met up -again- with new wonderful friends. Talented, passionate, and well, different from my old buddies from high school. However, I managed to adapt with them and one semester in Jakarta is filled with me feeling intimidated with everything at school. Different level of drawing skills, language barriers, and new learning. I was once a top student in UPH, here, I have to learn everything from the basic. Perspective blablabalbala. However, I'm happy, as I've done my best. There, I also witness a prodigy in form of my ex-gf, Angela, a friend whom always passionate and never give up, Deo, and the others whom I can't mention one by one.

Then, Malaysia. Everything changed. I have to say goodbye to all my dear friends. And I still kept that SMS from Yodi, my best fella. "Never ever stick in one place, believe in possibility, if you can say it, that means you can do it. Malaysia is too small for you, you can go further." Well, Yodi had his point, I will never ever give up.

Everything went well until the end of semester 5. I got my result, 4 for my gpa. That's the thing that I always wanted to show my parents and make them proud. However. I didn't feel it. I feel embarrassed, ashamed, and feel down. I know my work sucks, well, for me, I'm ashamed by it and how could they gave me an A? The end of 2008 was filled with lots of thinking and reflection.

The result? I hate Limkokwing.

I decided to live with it, and seek for the 'satisfaction' that I want. I want a new level of everything, I want new challenges. Here, the challenge came after I finished with semester 6. My lecturer introduced me to his friend who's soon to be my boss during my intern, Alexdrina Chong. Eventho it's a short period, I learn a lot from her. In that period, something special in my life happened. I might say that it's terrible, because I've never cried like that before, yet I still manage to live with it, and go on until I finished my internship. I'm ready to begin new semesters with new challenge, my tittle as the member of Merah Putih Club brought me some extra works to do. My ego also burdened me with some other challenge which I took for my assignment, as I've declared to my self that I'M GOING TO CREATE SOMETHING THAT ONLY ME CAN DO IT AND I'M PROUD OF IT. I did, 'Colors' is the result and to count how many sleepless days I have, I'm surprised.

(SPARKS, the beginning)

I lost something that burdened me when I was in semester 7. However, I gained something, and something that I gained, had brought me to go through everything. New friends, new challenges, new room to explore, new projects, and new point of view. I decided to live with my past, live with my ego, live with my hatred to certain things, and LIVE WITH IT. Eventho, there's lot of moment when I feel lonely, I convinced myself that I'm not, and with the thing that I love the most, I'll never be lonely. The thing that I loved the most was called 'design' and it has helped me to find precious things in my life.

Semester 8 started with lots of bad feeling. Yes, I decided to go to 95% Advertising Academy. It's tough for me who didn't have any knowledge about advertising to start learning about it and live with it for 3 months. The training was tough, the trainer was rough and the beauty side of it, they are the most inspiring people with lots of inspiring stories to share with us. To be able to get close with 15 other classmates from different background and to get acknowledgment from them are wonderful. I learn a lot about myself, and what could I do in the future, basically, impossible is nothing, as Adidas said, as Janet had said, as Peter had said, as Shahnaz had said, as Jon had said, and as Lucky had said. There's nothing that we can't do.

(With Lucky Handoko, The President of MPC)

Meanwhile, I was assigned to be the head of promo for the upcoming final portfolio exhibition for my batch, called SPARKS. The process was hard. As we're not experienced to conduct an exhibition before. At that time, I'm still the head of publishing and marketing for Merah Putih Club, for the event called MONOPHONE. I'm not a multitasker, but situation forced me to do everything at once.

(Selfish Jean Music Video, featured Annie Lys Bui and Gideon Hananiel as my talents)

But hey, I'm here, still alive, and everything had done. I graduated from 95%, finished all my school assignments with quiet high distinction, Merah Putih Club has never been this exposed (MONOPHONE was a huge success and some other universities took it as reference), SPARKS?

Here is where the fun begins. SPARKS is a vessel that carried us into a journey in which we share our passion, ambition to overcome every limitation and overcome it, and also inspiring each other. SPARKS contains of our eagerness to challenge the limitations and to inspire other people. We are the SPARKS, small, but impactful.

Sounds cheesy isn't it? We aimed to get people from creative industries to come. Only few who responded when we inform them. Even when we sent the invitation to the people at school themselves, the support that we got are so little. However, my friends and I had predicted it, we realized that if we carry the name of LUCT outside, people won't look at it. We have bad reputation, the quality, the attitude and everything. Well, it might be our senior's fault, but we can't just simply blame them or the institution. I told myself that it's actually our fault, the gap between us is big, the quality of the works are totally different one another. I've been questioning myself. Why is it like this? In 95%, I experienced the real 'classmates' where they stay behind until late to help each other so that everyone could 'pass'. In this class, well, it sounds idealistic if we do so, but I realized that we're not honest to each other. It happens every time, we'd never screwed each other at class, we'd never tried to improve and help one another. The result? People from the outside, they screw us. Our works got acknowledgment, our SPARKS got people like Pipit, Peopalove, and some other creative people's acknowledgment. But we have not been given chance to hear feedback from creative agencies like Ogilvy or Leo Burnett.We have shown our quality, we have invited them to come, maybe they think we are not ready? maybe they look down to us? or maybe they are the one who're not ready for us?

Anyway, SPARKS was a blast, we decided to SPARKS ourselves, rather than for other people whom had looked down to us. SPARKS, changed its direction, from something public, to be something personal, for us, for each of us. SPARKS is the place where we showed the best and the worst in ourselves. I'm grateful that I'm among those who felt happy and proud during the event. I'm grateful that my friends also felt the same way, and feel happy for them!

Here, I witnessed how my friends transformed. Gideon, transformed to be a responsible leader with great patience and tolerant. Batak and Suma, a solid duo whom had came up with great videos that represent us. Novia whom had surprisingly shown her quality as a responsible individual who always put teamwork as her priority. Kevin Khoo, whom was woken up earlier than ever and forced to create music. One sleepless night that I spent with them is unforgettable. The sleepless nights that we spent to decorate KLC, to prepare presentation and everything are just wonderful. Portfolio review? I'm proud with the feedback that I got from people whom had seen my works. And how every division from SPARKS managed to come up with great things to show people are just wonderful.

That's how a 'proud lecturer' face looked like. That's the result of overcoming our limitations and producing inspirations. And he called us "The Golden Generation"

After SPARKS is our graduation, and after that, is our first step to the real life. Life where everything will change. However, I'm ready for it. I'm ready for changes. I believe the key to enjoy life is to live with it, don't fight with it. I've fought with my life until semester 6, a waste of enjoyment. However, I have no regrets at all! I just have to live with it, as Shahnaz had said, when music ends, step to the left and dance with a new song.

Well, here are the pictures of happy faces during holiday. The getaway to Redang.

Once again, thank you for the wonderful 4 years. I have no regrets. Thank you very much, and this is not a good bye. It's a 'see you again next time'.

(Showreel of my multimedia works)

*Photographs are the courtesy of Suma, Willy, Yohanes Setiawan, and Ofla

Thinking About You

2010-05-31T03:29:00.000-07:00

I've been thinking about you, so how can you sleep
These people aren't your friends, they're paid to kiss your feet
But they don't know what I know, and why should you care
When I'm not there

Been thinking about you, and there's no rest
Shit, I still love you, still see you in bed
But I'm playing with myself, what do you care
When I'm not there

All the things you got, you'll never need
All the things you've got, I bled and I bleed to please you

Been thinking about you..

You have lost your passion. It's obvious and all you can do is denying it.

You have lost your belief that you are great. You sabotage yourself from being what do you think you can be.

You locked yourself away from the world. You hid yourself behind the computer, with avatars, with different identities.

You are unsure with what would happened next. Everyone feels the same way, but not everyone looked down on themselves.

You are lost.

I still believe in you and you just have to believe in yourself.

On the Safest Ledge

2010-05-27T14:55:00.000-07:00

Could you be happy to fall like a stone
If you'd land right here safe in my arms?
It's fine, lock all your doors through the night
Keep it all right here, safe in my arms
It's fine

You were there, sitting next to me in that stupid stinky class room. Scratching your head in confusion, in anger as you don't know what to do, in guilt, as you think that everything that you did was wrong.. I was there, next to you, trying effortlessly to show you the way. I gave you my torch, let you to find the way. You couldn't. There, I tried again, to help you to stand up again, sometimes, carry you on my back. The road is long and windy. I believe that when I'm with you, you are totally safe. I was wrong. Your safe zone had eaten you up, and I believe that I'm the reason why I think that you are so fucked up now. You have lost your passion, you have wasted your great hidden talent, forever buried within you. You have changed, from that passionate, curious little girl, to be a dead flesh with empty soul. You're just another person I dislike, a person I always looked down. I hate this feeling to see you that way, you're so talented, yet you cover yourself, you locked yourself. Didn't you realize that the whole things that I created, that I thought about, about challenging, about inspiring, about limitations, about love, about hate, about beauty, about great talent, about wasting time, about passion, about future, I actually talked about you? Maybe I'm way to abstract, maybe my tongue is a two edged blade that hurt you the same time I tried to make a way? Everything is just a 'maybe'. I need you to tell me something. Yet you remain silent and soundless. Your presence is no longer felt. The icy cold feeling from you had broken everything that I've built. Yet, I've never give up trying to do more, to shine more, to warm your icy heart. You have what it takes to be more than you are now, a follower, an anonymous, a no one.

You understand about it pretty much, you feel pressured, that's good. You feel nothing, so I clarified here once again, I'm talking about you. You have what it takes. Don't give up. I'm not asking you back, just let go off yourself, shine and show me that stupid cheeky smile that you've always have in your face.

I've never stopped thinking about you. Yes, I'm thinking about you now.

After Graduate?

2010-05-22T12:45:00.000-07:00

It was last Monday when someone called me in the middle of a super hot day, a woman, asked me to come into CCC to have an interview. I felt honored (yes). Wednesday, I met the guy, and he told me that they are looking for creative people blablablabalbalalabla and what stuck in my mind is the amount of the starting salary. I'm in a huge dilemma right now. I got some offers from another place where I can work together, from Jakarta, from KL, and also from Bandung. I love design, I love what I am doing right now, I'm afraid that after I graduated, I'll be forced to forget my idealism about how should design looked like, all the dogmas that I've got during my education and my internships.

I'm gonna miss everything from school. Especially that Merah Putih Club. To not be able to open that 'folder' and add more 'projects' to it, is kinda weird. It's been a year since my friend asked me whether I'm interested or not, it's been a year since I designed that stupid futsal poster.

It's been 4 years since I'm nervous while wearing that orientation jacket to UPH and 3 years since I held my tears back in my eyes to stay strong while waving goodbye to my parents and my friends.

p.s screw final projects.

Lost in Translation

2010-05-04T23:45:00.000-07:00

Language is what we use to communicate with other people, meta language is one thing that makes language a language, it's the grammar that form the language. The road that created for vehicle to carry the message inside the language. That's, so far, my learning from Design reflective studies. The basic function of language is to communicate, full stop.

I started with a vague introduction to explain my situation I am in right now. When no one understands you and everyone thinks that you are either crazy, damn stupid, or total smart ass asshole. I am what you think I am. I like to share things, because I believe when I share things with people, they would get something from me and they will, in return, give me inspiration from the thing that I shared with them. In my learning i found out that when someone respond by saying 'NO', that guy is my best friend who cared enough not to make me happy, not to protect me from silly shit, but people who wanted me to be better.

I've found some people in my life who says no, and it's great to have someone different from you. It means, you are not alone, you are not singular, you are somebody that have someone that think about you.

For some reasons, people now are being ignorant. The effect of globalization is ignorance, how people are busy with their facebook status, twitter status, sms, e-mail, there's no romanticism in reading crappy words isn't it? There's no such thing as not boring in reading the same words over and over again (blog is an exception, because here, we share things even with people we don't know). What I want to say is, people are being so closed minded these days ( and here comes the BOO).

I join that training, the crazy training that changed my perception and hopefully, improved my self in handling and managing things. I've realized my weaknesses and my strength and hopefully, my potential. Most importantly, i realized that this flame of passion in what I'm doing is so great that sometimes, I can't control it. I love what I am doing. Curiosity is the sin that I bear for the love and ambition that I have. I always want to know, and can't stand the feeling of having someone telling you the wrong thing.

These days, i realized that some people, semester 8 students of graphic design are mere downloadable template from internet. You can easily find the wikipedia guy, google guy, teacher's pet guy, wannabes guy, cool guy, cool chick, hot chick, mean chicks, metrosexual guy, otaku guy, geek guy, photographer guy, no one's guy, zombies, aliens, assholes, everyone. It's interesting to see how their so called design students, but they have great ignorant in what they are doing. Superbly, interesting.

Those downloadable templates are so everywhere, especially in my current class right now (YES, YOU ARE). I can't say this upfront, but here's the reason why I've been such a bitch for the whole semester. BECAUSE, I DIDN'T LEARN anything from you, even once. Nothing interesting, nothing is worth talking, nothing is worth listen to, nothing, just nothing, just a mere brutally copy pasted statement with minimum understanding and exploration and imagination. I love what I am doing, and I dislike dishonesty, and I see fake in everything in class. Something that frustrates me, something that infuriated me for the whole weeks. I have to say this because this is the last time we could share in class, in fact, you have never really shared things, you just read things from where you found it, nothing came from your heart, and your heart is so sealed up by the thinking of "it's useless, it has no point to talk about it, let's cut it short, let's make it quick".

Yet, industry people are complaining why the quality of fresh grads is like this. And we, after we graduated, will complain on how shitty works that we've been doing (soon, we'll know).

Talking to people who don't speak in the same language like you is me talking to some of you now.

Truth hurts, but honestly, it works.

Sunday Morning Call

2010-04-21T01:49:00.000-07:00

I miss my junior school :)

Incubation

2010-04-20T10:04:00.000-07:00

I can't stop thinking on what's going to happen to me right after I grab that stupid cert. My head is busy with what I'm doing right now. This last semester of my study is not as easy as I thought. I took extra courses, given more responsibilities and tempted by lots of delight out there to keep me away from my laptop or doing my work.

Last days I decided to go for a short trip all around Malaysia (not exactly all around tho). It feels great to experience short time of freedom in which you can use it to eat, to sleep, to laugh, to play some stupid games, to update your Facebook status as much as you like and you don't give a shit to assignments.

I have to say that I'm gonna miss this feeling. This only happened once in my lifetime and there's no chance for me to repeat it again, all I can do is accept it as the closing of my study period.

Week 7! OMFG

2010-04-15T13:16:00.000-07:00

It's week seven. 9 more weeks or more (could be less) till my graduation day. I want to put it this way, a declaration that I'M GONNA GRAB THAT FUCKIN CERT and get out of the black building asap.

I love my study there tho, don't get me wrong, but that school just had taken so much from my parents (money) and giving less (just this week i found out that the faculty has been renovated, guess who's coming).

well yes, so far my life has never been far from 'busy' or 'sleepless'. Once, i ever moaned about it in front of my dad. I said, screw my works, i have to do this, i have to do that. Animation sucks a lot! Graphic design sucks! too many things to do. I mumble about it while i was working on free lance project which revisions are too much and it's killing me slowly (at the time). My dad just smile and sit in his favorite chair.

"You sound like you hate it so much, but you're still doing it. You stay awake to do one, and refuse to sleep before you think it's good. You love this job."

I stop complaining about it since then. My dad had me realized that I -actually- love what I'm doing. no matter how rude i am when people asked me to describe how shitty my work is. My friend kept telling me that I'm passionate. I took it as a medal, as for now, i stopped and look back. Man, i've done quiet things.

2009 was my best year. I met Stefan Sagmeister, I met Alex, I met new friends, I joined Merah Putih Club, I happened to live fully in 2009.

in 2010, my biggest leap (or could be the worst) is joining an Ad Course while i was still have to do lots of shit at school. Leading a promo team to prepare the exhibition is not an easy task. Evenmore u have to deal with lots of money here. People management, leadership are both that I'm lacking. In the course that I'm doing right now, I learn about it. Trainers are giving us hard time and surprisingly, classmates, help each other.

Enough talking shit. I want to tell you some bizarre things that happened in this year (so far).

I have been preparing concept for the exhibition, the name of the event is "GRAVITY", which means challenging the unchallenged, or everything is actually possible. The name didn't win the vote, SPARKS is now the name that has been used to be our exhibition title.

Then my friend who worked in 95% Ad Academy asked me to help him doing SPARKS (one programme of the trainings provided by them).

I'm doing both as I'm writing this.

My friend in Jakarta, asked me if I'm interested to join his newfound company. Named GRAVITY.

Interesting? Is this the sign that God sent to me as my scalp is too thick to accept any impulse of signs before? Or just a coincidence?

I don't believe in coincidence.

I'm super busy these days (maybe until the moment i get that stupid cert and throw my hat away). Anyway, i'm getting more excited and curious for what next. I love what I am doing, I believe in myself that soon, the answer that I'm seeking will be revealed and I see the truth behind everything that I want to know.

I lost friends, even the closest friend that i think i have. Well, i realized that either she or me doesn't deserve each other or just me being too much of expectations. Or maybe she just can't be expected? Or there are some people out there who actually treated you like a gold when they need you and then treat you like a pest after they use you? It could be true but man, if that's the case. I have my right.

I just found out that throughout my training, I found more quests to be done. The quests are actually about myself and it's interesting to see how much I can hide from myself and it's seriously difficult to be open to myself. I decided to break the wall by writing this blog again.

I'm not a good writer, like seriously. You guys have better grammar and england than me.

Anyway, did I tell you that I'm a writer?

It's week 7 and tomorrow is the beginning of our journey, a non-halal trip all around Malaysia. This is my final year in school and probably the final year when I can spend my stupid time with stupid friends! who knows that they are going to turn to be some smart asses.

So guys, have a great mid break!

There is

2010-04-05T03:25:00.000-07:00

This song makes me think a lot. I've been blasting my ears with this song over and over again. For almost 10 years. I can't delete this song off my laptop.

this vacation's useless

these white pills aren't kind

i've given a lot of thought on this 13-hour drive

i missed the grinding concrete where we sat past 8 or 9

and slowly finished laughing in the glow of our headlights

i've given a lot of thought to the nights we use to have

the days have come and gone

our lives when but so fast

i faintly remember breathing on your bedroom floor

where i laid and told you but you sweared you loved me more

do you care if i don't know what to say

will you sleep tonight or will you think of me

will i shake this off pretend its all okay

that there someone out there who feels just like me

there is

those notes you wrote me

i've kept them all

i'll give a lot of thought of how to write you back this fall

with every single letter in every single word there

will be a hidden message about a boy that's

loves a girl

do you care if i don't know what to say

will you sleep tonight or will you think of me

will i shake this off

pretend its all okay that there's someone out there who feels just like me

there is

do you care if i don't know what to say?

will you sleep tonight or will you think of me

will i shake this off

pretend its all okay that there's someone out there who feels just like me

do you care if i don't know what to say?

will you sleep tonight or will you think of me

will i shake this off

pretend its all okay that there's someone out there who feels just like me

there is

Semester 7 Review

2010-03-17T10:50:00.000-07:00

It's last semester when I was doing this video, start everything from scratch. I have this belief that I CAN'T DO VIDEO and HOW THE HELL AM I SUPPOSE TO DO A SHORT FILM? My doubts brought me to talk to my head and my head told me that I always have this 'language' with me all the time and I'm good at it, so why trying to speak to people with the 'foreign language' in which I'm not good at? How if the message that I'm going to deliver is not clear, or it's cheesy that everyone in the world already know about it. How How How?

So, fuck it, I'm going to do it on my own way.

I wonder what took me so long to come up with this statement. I waste my time thinking on cheating it and here I have not been sleeping for days while doing this! It's kinda weird when holiday came and I realized that I have nothing to do when I woke up in the afternoon (it's always after 12 AM). I'm happy and I learn something from myself. I can do things my own way. Maybe I'm not better than you, but I can always do better if I want.

Okay, let's go back to the rationale. Why I chose this racial issue. It's clear and everyone know that I'm a fucking racist. Well, I am, I'm a sarcastic asshole with short and narrow way of thinking. This assignment, is a chance for me to dig deeper in knowing people, about prejudice, about perspective, about people's mindset, about being a victim, or being a bully. At this point, me as a minority in my own country, had experienced indirect racial issue in which usually happened to be a story of my parents and my relatives. I'd never really experienced that so called racial thingy and after I went to study abroad, I feel that racial thingy is a total bullshit, as we, Indonesian, are good to each other (as far as I know).

How about the other races? Well, I'm a generic person at this point, I follow the trail of movies and my parents. There, the villain is always shown as a Russian, Japs, Latino, Chinese with thin mustache and big beer belly, or even the most favorite one, African. Well, that's the kind of racial discrimination on TV dude, and after Obama raised to be the first African America president in US, he had broken the myth of race and chances. He earned it and Obama is one of my favorite world-leaders.

Next, I implement the racial issue which I performed myself as the one who's responsible. I was once inside a lift which will brought me to the 9th floor of my friend's condo. There's one guy, African. I was new in this country and meeting with African this close is a rare opportunity in my hometown. I feel cautious, and I feel that it's normal, I feel threatened by his presence, I feel that I'm not safe here. I was an asshole back then. Cause, I have performed what so called prejudice and what I did is the most 'common' thing of racial practice.

After I read some articles about racial issue, I realized that, "man, I've done something that is terribly wrong". As for that, I created this character with identity crisis, she wanted to be someone perfect according to her, while she rejected anything else, even herself. Then, COLORS was born. Enjoy :)

Myuna Monstore

2010-02-20T00:21:00.000-08:00

"Meet Myuna"

- Monstore -

DESAIN GRATIS (DOT) COM

2010-02-17T00:24:00.000-08:00

Hello, welcome to this site where everything can be designed for FREE or YOU DECIDE THE PRICE FOR ME. We're whore of design industry, we will do anything for you for free, we love design, and for what we love we want to show the world that design is very important that we'll do it freely for you. Everyone can design, if you have computer, pirated adobe series or corel, make a good layout for your blog and offer your service to everyone, through facebook, through everything. We'll show you that academic studies in design is useless, follow our path and you'll be famous for designing things without any price tags! can't you tell? we're like a monk, we work for free and for your satisfaction.

Tuscany

2010-02-15T06:46:00.000-08:00

I Just happened to visit my cousin's workplace by today and how amazed by how poor the quality of their prints and especially their logo that is so yucky (the printing quality is even unworthy to be mention here). Anyway, I came up with solution that maybe he might like. His business is actually all about marbles and some other expensive stones. Through him , I want to show that eventho design is a tricky little thing that sometimes forgotten, when it is used, it's an ace.

design is powerful! and Bodoni is, once again, useful :)

The solution which I offered is the simplification (still, I disagree with the term of simplification here but my cousin thought so) of Renaissance Pillaster with some flower ornament which also based on that era. The type? When I thought about Italy, I can only think of Bodoni. Well, I love Bodoni :)

Hey A Hole!

2010-02-13T12:07:00.000-08:00

I happened to be very lazy these days. procrastinating, sabotaging my own ideas, lazy lazy lazy. and this baby here haven't got any eyebrows, sharp eyes. cheek, pimples, hey! i'm an a hole

Live Long and Prosper.

2010-02-13T10:02:00.000-08:00

It's Chinese New Year, the 22th CNY of my entire life and now my place has been taken by my little nieces and nephews while I fill in the places where my cousins had left me. The generation has been shifted as time goes by, every CNY, it reminds me to look at my dad's head and see how many white hair there. One day, I will be the one gave that stupid but madly expected red envelope with money inside ( angpao, please), and CNY also signed the beginning of new semester in which I'm gonna fuck myself a lot! Anyway, Happy CNY everyone! I don't believe in Chinese myth of luck, but I hope you enjoy your holiday leftover :)

The artwork is madly influenced by my friend suma who loved to pose that star trek - spock live and prosper gesture. Well, I just chat with him so ya, sort of 'inspired'. hehehe.. anyway, enjoy!

Monophone.

2010-02-11T21:35:00.000-08:00

Lines experiment. Organic lines are something that I really fond of, I love lines, the way lines treated into form of flows, repetition, aaaww, they are just so beautiful that can make me stare at them for hours just to figure out on how to do it (- read Si Scott & Marian Bantjes-).

This form of labyrinth is not the most original thing in the world I must admit. Well, I've never tried it, So I decided to do one. :)

Surprise!

2010-02-09T08:48:00.000-08:00

2.00 PM and I was halfway asleep and slide down in front of my computer. And then:

I won a daily deviation? Ooh God, for 3 years I've been trying to make my deviation recognizable and finally! so happy. Anyway here is it:

I did this work back in July when I was doing internship with my boss, Alexdrina Chong, she transformed me into someone who acknowledge grid and 'rationale' composition in a day. With bunch of books, some scoldings and research, I manage to do something that she thought was good. I owe her a lot :)

Holiday so far

2010-02-03T12:59:00.000-08:00

okay 2 weeks from now I'll be back to the land where good food are hardly to found. cyberjaya. Starting this new year, I haven't said anything about my 'new year resolution'. I only have two, so far, join that 95% ad academy, and finish my 4 years of study in university smoothly. and tada! I've allowed by my parents to join 95% ad academy.

"this is how i got into 95%, a little bribe to my mom"

Why I join 95% is a simple thing. I love design and what I believe in design is that it is not limited to paper or screen. Design is something bigger, it's a reflection of personality and my motivation here is to make myself a better person. Academically, intelligently, and to bring me more confident to my future.
these days I've been doing works for my friend, helping them to develop certain design and bring more variety to their clothing store. MONSTORE, they are great, the quality of the t-shirt is good and very wel l maintained, the design is great! yeah, i love their design and here I learn the power of marketing, that marketing is the bigger canvas of creating beauty, beauty which measured by the result of the amount of money we can get. that's how plain i can understand about advertising and marketing so far and I'm sure 95% will broaden my understanding :)

This is one of the design that I contribute to them, you can find it soon online on the website :). Painted in Photoshop, and I modified a lot from the original outline. The concept is about drunk and africa, i dunno why they want africa, but maybe it's because of the animals? yeah, could be so, animals are us when we were slave of alcohol and I do admit that people are enjoying to be animals sometimes.

Printing in Jakarta is like heaven for me whose money had been fucked up by the quality and the cost of printing in Malaysia. I haven't found the best printing in the world, but Jaya Agung is surely the best so far. Here is the printed business card of mine.

hehe.

2010-01-29T10:38:00.000-08:00

a surprise in the middle of holiday. my last sem's result was better, but design management saved the day. i have to admit that i'm happy with last sem, it was awesome, i'm doing work in the middle of the sem + merah putih works which are soooo many + video. I should have failed in 3d, i'm suck at it, but this sem, i have to say, i enjoyed it! so many assignments mean so many things that i've learned, unlike the previous in which i was after finishing my works, here, i finished them and done them with all my best effort. I'm happy, except for that 3d, well i'm so grateful that i can pass it. ahahaha.. thank you mr suhendy! your kindness and your imac are very well appreciated and very well remember forever. heehehee...

kids, don't tae 3d unless you're sure you like it. don't just take it because it does look cool or you refer to transformers thingy.

Happy 24th Wedding Anniversary Mom and Dad!

2010-01-25T09:40:00.001-08:00

I want a raise.

Responds

2010-01-22T18:54:00.000-08:00

I do agree with what you have said "designers meant to define things in a different way although it must still remain to the real meaning". this is what we learn to do and that's the art of being what we are or what we want to be, designer. The understanding of art in my country is damn low. Understanding equals to appreciation, that's why the appreciation of art is low here. They believe that design is an expensive matter that can be cheated. The creative way of the society always based on the economical rationale in which contradicts to our idealism. Efficiency here, defined as the number of productions, not the quality, even in their education, they were trained to chase after numbers of idea, not the value of idea. Paul Arden would have said that this matter would restrict our creativity and so it does. It has restricted the potential of the locals, banned their creative mind by doing the most taboo things for us, creators, plagiarism. Here, i'm talking about their attitude as a professional, not all of them, I've done some free lance jobs here so I realized that our education doesn't really follow the flow of industry in which put 'numbers' as priority, not quality. Sagmeister said, to keep on developing and keep the job fun, one must keep the business small. The same thing he had learned from his mentor, Tibor Kalman (M & Co). I learned also from when I was doing intern in Malay, my boss was not trying to expand her business, but she expands her relationship with other people, strengthen her position as a single fighter in design industry in which resulting great artworks that earn some awards.
far from what so called plagiarism, as she really UNDERSTANDS what design is, and her ideals met the right clients. and moreover, the payment is good. There is balance between client and designer. Here, I'm not sure with the 'balance'. The payment is low and the demand is high. The practice of chasing after quantity is an everyday practice. the situation in which some industry practicians define in a different way, of course as first timer, we must do whatever the demand said, that's the reality. However, most of them are being washed up by the demand so that they have lost their identity. Their culture. Some who are strong in what they believe. lost clients. Some who are strong and confident, get overseas client in which is a total bummer for the local client as even the foreigner 'appreciate' what they did but ironically, the local didn't. these are the facts that I learned from my friends, teacher, and even some professionals here. The practice of plagiarism here could be caused by that factor, the other factors happened to be the development of the first negative factor. The inappreciation, the lost of motivation.

Maybe some of you had seen the photo of fake AVATAR in which aired on TV, or even some of you know some names of tv series in which imitated from Chinese or Korean or Japan, such as Ichi Rittoru no Namida (Buku Harian Nayla), or that Meteor Garden ( I forgot the name), or even some other tv series. You can feel stupidity and there's actually nothing you can do while the TV rates during that program increased! the negative practice produce things in which revealed on how low our appreciation. If you asked me about my future on what should I do. I intend to say that these ideals in my head won't change, I will do what I believe in. And being reasonable, while we're talking about money. It's a work ethic in which i'm trying to train myself not to do some negative shits during my education. Downloading vector packs, abuse them, and balbalbalablaa. I do believe, before I can say I will go back and bring salvation to my own country, all I can do is to fix myself first, to train myself not to be them but being honest. Some of my friends protested while I post that fake AVATAR thingy on fb, they said I'm lack of nationalism. well, some of them said "It's a common thing, just don't exagerrate it." you can see that they have been corrupted enough. And that's my country all about, we're easily to find ants across the sea but not elephant in front of our eyes. I ADMIT that they are many cases of plagiarism outside there, even Wall E has been accused for plagiarizing some other movie's poster check this out

MOVIE POSTER
Indonesian Movie Poster

Complaining is silly, either act or forget. Yes indeed, but forgetting in will not bring anything either, I'd rather speak out my mind to remind them rather than just let it be that way. I'm sure we all have responsibility for that.

The Thieves

2010-01-21T08:14:00.000-08:00

My country is a proud country, she's filled with people whom are artistically creative and because of that, the blood in our body has strong culture deep within us (I'm talking about the local Indonesian people as I'm a Chinese born in Indonesia). To live among them is remarkable, to see their creative mind and the myth of "Indonesian people are born creative" seems to be reality rather than myth when I was studying abroad in Malaysia, top student in my class? Indonesian, the second? Indonesian, the worst student? of course not Indonesian. We're born sensitive to what so called aesthetic beauty, and for that, we're a proud country that even some other countries are aware of our culture and somehow they try to steal them.

We cursed them, even more, we banned them. We labelled them as thieves. Well, to know that someone took your belongings without telling you is not a happy feeling tho. We hate thieves.

Our pride has been tainted when someone else from unknown place decided to claim our things as theirs. We hate them.

Is that all we can do?

Too bad, so far, the answer is yes. We are not initiatively try to protect what's ours. We have lost our 'pride' in other people's eyes that decrease their respect towards us. My point is, we're lack of understanding to our culture, that means, we are not appreciating it as much as other people do, we disrespect our own culture by being consumtive to international brands rather than preserving or developing our own local fashion. Other people saw our weakness and decided to take everything they can. It's like when you left your phone on an empty seat in basketball games and no one even you are aware of your phone and I came and take that phone as I thought that this phone belongs to no one.

Am I wrong? Yes, I shouldn't take what's not mine, that's what the book said. However, if you were in my position, what would you do? It's not a cheap phone, it's either the mighty Iphone3Gs or Blackberry series.

And If i were the victim whose phone was taken by stranger, I would definitely hate him. But when I look back, I must realize that this incident would not be happening if I had paid more attention to my phone. Well, what's done is done, nothing can bring my phone back except I bought a new one.

The analogy that I wrote above explained about the conflict between my country and the country in where I'm studying. Some people in my country, with their limited understanding towards the situation, started to call them, 'thieves'.

Until this part, I realize that nothing I can do to change the perception of people in my country towards the situation, except to take this as a lesson. MIND YOUR BELONGINGS. Thieves are everywhere.

The next is back to my country who called other country as 'thieves', I realized that the correct quotation for my country is this:
"You can see an ant across the ocean, but not elephant in front of your eyes"
am I anti nationalist? Hell no, I'm a rationale person as I have reason, and for me, my reason is enough. I realized that being 'thief' itself has been a part of the culture, the modern culture of my country, I guess. We steal and take chances, I'm criticizing the field in where my understanding is quiet clear, the entertainment industry which had relation to my education (visual communication). The plagiarism practices are everywhere here. Music, TV series, TV commercial, and even in education.

Music? see "D'Massive", the most shameful band who often copied from international band such as Switchfoot, Muse, or even My Chemical Romance. Who else? Name it, J Rock? They can say they were inspired by L'arc~en~ciel, and balbalablaala, bollocks. There's a line between inspiration and source of imitation.

Our tv series used to be worth watching in 90s. Most of the families spent their leisure time together to watch series on TV. Recently, the value of TV series have had dropped a lot. The quality, the theme, the acting, all lame. Evenmore those actress and actors didn't play their role well as the public figure in the real life. Now, almost every tv series in my country, imitated those Korean series. It's like answering the demand, when public tend to rent VCDs and local tv series lost, they tried to earn public attention by doing things similarly. So unCREATIVE. Even some even tried to imitate foreign movie poster design for the promotion of their movie!

I'm sick of those stupid works. Those entertainments are not even educative and not even worth watching. And now I'm asking one question, who is the thief now? them or us? or both of us? If both, then, isn't it a bit stupid for thief to call other people thief?

Love unites

2010-01-19T13:07:00.000-08:00

http://news.deviantart.com/article/106470/

I got second place :)
I learnt that being eye candy is far from being considered as good. Well, creativity in delivering message is not revealed by how attractive your artwork is, it's how 'recognizable' and how you answered the brief. Well well well. conceptual thinking is not my habit tho..

and now, i've been thinking on how to claim my prize.. any advice?

she's got you high

2010-01-10T07:50:00.000-08:00

She's got you high and you don't even know yet
It's the search for the time before it leaves without you
Have you lost your mind or has she taken all of yours too?

Mumm-Ra - She's Got You High

Bored

2010-01-10T00:17:00.000-08:00

"The laziest thing about holiday is to think about what kind of laziness to fill in it."

I painted this picture in photoshop, quiet happy that i can manage the colors well, for human skin, and several facial features that I like, the nose (it was drawn well, much much better than my previous drawings). I can't wait to go back to Malay, I planned to join that 95% ad academy. I've been thinking on where would I spend my days after graduate (where would I work), I wanted to commit myself in design and art, but I'm open to advertising. I believe advertising is the painting but not in the canvas, interesting, fascinating and see how people could be really attracted in such 'weird' way is soo, how to say artistic and creative. So anyone in? notify me...

best movies 2009

2010-01-08T11:29:00.000-08:00

warning, this is super subjective, some of my friends here are calling me pig for hating certain 'good' movies.

here comes the list:

10. Cin(T)a

"Tuhan yang kami sembah dengan berbagai nama."

Indonesian movie kicked ass! I happened to learn things around cinematography within 2009, well, all I can say, for an indie movie, this movie is too unpredictably great. the theme is relevant to the current situation in Indonesia, racial issue between local Indonesian and Chinese Indonesian. Well, the discrimination flourished into a more troublesome, religion. Well, some people believe love between two different religions are non sense. Then what's the purpose of religion anyway? and what is religion. anyway?

9. Orphan

"Don't worry, you're my little sister, I won't let anything happened to you" - Esther

Spooky, scary, disturbing, gory, brutal
in form of a little girl. This horror thrilling movie is unique as I have this phobia to little kids wielding knife and stab people. This movie works! damn you Esther!

8. Inglorious Basterds

"Got us here a German wants to die for his country, oblige him!" - Lt. Aldo Reine

Brad Pitt is super cool here. Calm, stupid but cool stupid, America, cunning, America, and this is the positive holocaust movie where Hitler died and angry! unlike that unhappy Hitler in Valkyrie.

7. Coraline

"Who are you?"

"I'm your other mother."

Coraline and her other mother.

All hail Neil Gaiman and Tim Burton! Classic Tim Burton's stop motion combined with modern character design with colorful approach. A dark colorful movie with the spooky modern story by the present Edgar Alan Poe, Neil Gaiman. Can't wait if the Sandman series came up as a movie.... Tim Burton + Neil Gaiman are the greatest dark mixture.

6. Avatar

"Everything is backwards now, like out there is the real world and this is a dream" - Jake Sully

It's beautiful movie with visionary director and simple story. Well, complex story would extend the length of the movie! 2.5 hours is enough.

5. UP

"You and me, we're in the club now!" - Ellie Fredricksen

Awesome, it makes me think about life. Again, I'm a mellow and philosophical person. This UP makes me realize that I will not always be young. My life, should be meaningful, so that I would have a great memory when I'm still breathing. And to live my life afterwards. Life and Death!

4. Star Trek

"I don't believe in no win situation." - James T. Kirk

I hate to say it, but here, Star Trek had beaten those Star Wars series to dump. Can't be compared digitally, but just admit it the story telling is good, the characters are well chosen and the story itself is good! what can't be said? The only bad thing about this movie is that the death of my lecturer is being informed to me while i was watching. ~_~

3. Harry Potter and the Hald Blood Prince

"I am, the half blood prince" - Severus Snape

The best Harry Potter so far and it made me salute the director and start expecting the last episodes. Too bad this movie is the 'down' of the story, lame story telling by JK Rowling has been smoothed by David Yates. The transitions of every scene were done beautifully and elegantly. The relationship of Dumbledore and Harry was also exposed in such a way. Well. Hermione is another point plus.

2. Watchmen

"The city is afraid of me, I've seen its true face." - Roschack

I love this movie too much that I hate those people who hate this movie. THIS IS AN ART MOVIE MAN! This movie is not just a shallow super hero movie. Darker than dark knight with more complex story line and characters which are unusual for super hero movie with happy ending. Costume? Well, at least no yellow spandex or backing- explosion - gesture. And fake 3d claw. What is super hero? People who enjoy beating other people's ass? Or people who are desperately trying to use their gift for the sake of unwelcome public? with the mixture of politics and idealism which brought people close to insanity. Insanity, that's what the Watchmen had offered.

1. Okuribito (The Departure)

"It's ironic isn't it, the last shopping when you were dead is done by other people." - Kamimura san

This movie is the most thinkful movie I've ever watch. I love this movie, I love the theme, the acting, everything. Too bad I watched the rapidshared version! It made some people cried. It works. This movie states the beauty of Japanese culture which is rich with the value of aesthetic, respect, love, affection, and also passion. The movie itself taught the essence of life itself which could be found in a very unexpected way, in this way, the essence of life is its death, its end.

The Shawshank Amusement

2009-12-07T13:16:00.000-08:00

Shawshank redemption is the movie recommended to me by my lecturer, Stone. He said the voice over is great and nevertheless, it's an award movie back in 1994, so it's a worth watching movie.

I just happened to finish watching it by now, the movie that shook me at 5.00 AM is really a movie as I'm a lame movie fans as I prefer not to think too much (too much thinking in a movie is too not entertaining for me, or i may say the movie sucks cause it asked too much thinking, unclear), or too shallow (national lampoons for an instance), or too much too much (too much skin (megan fox's), too much robots (transformers), too much destruction (2012), too much united holy states of america (that's too much bullshit)).

This movie started with a total 'blank' expression of Tim Robbins whom was convicted to a murder and at first, our thoughts were lead to the Shawshank prison in which, the director, Frank Darrabont and the script writers which are brilliant (Darrabont and Stephen King), visually narrated the life in prison. Sodomize, violence, corruption, etc.

This movie is about the shittiest part of our life. In which, there's always hope as there's always chance, and chance didn't happen in instance, chances, sometimes was earned not by someone whom were expecting them, but someone who deserved to earn them by 'doing' and 'ignorant'. I've had this thinking, reward is worth given to someone whom didn't feel like to have it, those people who deserved things are most likely looked like they didn't deserved things, they didn't take credits in what they're doing and just do and do.

Shawshank is a movie about hope, in which, hope is always there. Hope, here, represented by Freedom, in which, freedom is an ambiguous gift for human as they were born with it. For liberal country, freedom is about expression, and for social country, freedom is about equality in earnings.

This is probably just my shallow understanding and could be subjective, but i tried not to be. I tried to be objective.

This movie makes me think forward. About valuing my own life and having 'hope', having purpose in my life which has no prison, unlike the life of Andy Dufresne which framed onto prison and fucked up by the corrupted system. Corruption, yeah, it's so ironic to see such a paradox in a judicial institution which should perform the model of 'justice'.

Freedom!

2009-12-05T10:15:00.000-08:00

This is the most beautiful week within this semester. My works have finally done, i'm so happy, life's been good these days. You know, some said, when people had their business or problems took away, they will miss them. I do, and when I look back to the sleepless nights and weeks, I'm satisfied. So far, I believe, this sem is the most satisfying sem so far. I learnt good stuffs from good lecturers, met up with new friends that help me within this sem and also from them, i learnt a lot.

And here I am, doing an entry for deviant art competition in which, Shepard Fairey himself will be the judge.. coooool... Well, I have hope and expectations on this pieces. This piece also mark the 'freedom' of me from those crazy and endless night. Well, I was just came back from Malaka yesterday, tired but happy, to be able to peek on some other city in the place where I'm studying is great. Evenmore, my boss came from Malaka and oh my god, that place is unexpectedly artistic. The colonial buildings, the church, the historical sites which are everywhere. It feels great there.

Here are some pics taken by my friend suma

aesthetic aesthetic

2009-11-13T19:37:00.000-08:00

design is life

this is the thing that Ms Pat told us in my first facilitation in her class. I believe it is so and these words had inspired so many people in this world, you, you, you and now me. I'm the latest one.

design is life is almost equal to my favorite topic, aesthetic.
well, some said, aesthetic is about life too, it's about how you view your life.

both are wonderful statements that inspired me, that made me confident that my role when I grew up later as a 'real' designer is not limited to the thing that I created in front of the screen of my lappie and printed out nicely. Design is indeed, about life. About how we view life from different direction and the weirder the angle that we chose to see life, life has become more interesting.

Lately i've been 'burdened' by the thing i love the most. assignments, works, some other thing, laziness.. I'm so fed up with those things and one of my senior, once again, reminded me that those are all nothing compared to what she's facing now. scary mann!

Well, let's go back to aesthetic issue here. design is the answer of human's demand of aesthetic. this is what i wrote on my thesis. As for that, we are exist so that other people could take the benefit out of us just like we want to take benefit out of them. same thing, both. there are some cases in industry and even in my school life when you feel (or maybe you are) 'smarter' than your friends. indeed, this is happening to me. when you're in one school with even color blind and people who're a bit fancy with some software and able to download lots of fonts, sometimes you'll feel smarter. well, at this point, what i'm trying to say, you'd become a bitch.

a bitch is someone who wanted to have sex for money. well, this is me all through the years. I've been trying to decipher what i have learned from this year, yeah this year. I saw how graceful Kuntzel and Deygas whom had bowed to both me and willy during KLDW, and how patient Sagmeister when he's forced to deal with over excited students like us. to see my boss tutoring 1st year students are so ... so not me...

i saw my friends, some of them are born with this ideal in their head and practiced it in their everyday life, I learned a lot from them, let's say one name, Suma. The guy who'd always see the best in you if you ask me to describe him and see what he has become now.

I'm practically the opposite of what my ideals about 'real designer' or 'real artist' or even 'real person'. I haven't been able to see the best in other people, especially in some people which i under estimated, well this is what distinguished me from my ideals.

this whole aesthetic idea is a great lesson for me, a to do list and a reminder that aesthetic makes everything valuable, and when u found the 'aesthetic' in life, your life would be different, it would be valuable and positive.

designing makes me happy

2009-10-30T12:19:00.000-07:00

this is not about me being happy. this is the statement which i found in sagmeister's site and i placed it as my wallpaper.

designing makes me happy.

that means, design should make me and everyone happy. moreover, design is a personal thing that i do for myself so i could be happy when everyone is happy. it's totally not me, i'm a selfish person, and for the first time in my life, i have this goal to make people happy through my design.

it's an irony for me that for now, i'm not happy while everyone is happy. there are several things in design that really pissed me off.
1. repeating the same thing over and over again and people, happy with that
2. over rated.
3. stupid printing and everyone happy with it.
4. stupid mounting.
5. stupid proposal that came d-1 before the event.
6. and the last but not least. tight dateline.

for you to know, i'm not happy and it turns to be a burden.

design should make me happy and now i'm not happy anymore. how could i make people happy? eye candy? define eye candy? define good? define ugly? define important? define responsibility? define every little thing in your head and tell me because i'm totally blur with the line between sanity and insanity right now.

1000 things but 1

2009-10-06T14:13:00.000-07:00

Small and big are the measurements that human made, and to determine it, numbers are created.

Human has its nature to think and wish. They wish, as in Sigmund Freud's theory, it's called ID, it could be said that ID is a basic instinct of human which creates their ego. Their ego is often clashed with other people ego, at this point, it is called super ego.

We have lots of things in mind that we want to fulfill but it is society's ego that didn't allow us to enjoy things we want. We have thousand things but none was gladly accepted in society.

Just like people in Padang. Earthquake on September 30th has changed their orientation in life, change their ID from people like us, willing so many things to happen into someone different and this is not happening to a single individual, it happened to a big society of Indonesian people who live in Padang and suffered great deal after the earthquake, the disaster.

It changed lots of things, disaster.

From 1000 things that we couldn't let them have it. They only have one thing to ask from us. Bite me if you don't know.

Our support in any real form. Say, prayers, money, clothes, food, protection, shelter, care, love, anything. They are our brother and sister whom were born under the same soil, and the same flag.

I'm not a social man, but the more birthday I have, the more I think about it. It could happen to anyone in anytime, it's like death, it comes then it goes and we can't stop it as we can't stop living. Life must continue as we do and they do. What we can do for them is exactly what we expect people to do for us while we're in their situation.

Think about it. Small deal that we can do for them means thousands for them.

my baby

2009-09-25T21:31:00.001-07:00

so happy!

killing precious time.

2009-09-19T10:37:00.000-07:00

RULE:
Using only song names from ONE ARTIST, cleverly answer these
questions. Pass it on to 15 people (or more) you like and include me (presuming
I'm someone you like). You can't use the band I used. Try not to repeat
a song title. It's a lot harder than you think! Re-post as "my life
according to (band name)"

Your Artist/Band:
Radiohead

Are you a male or female:
Paranoid Android

Describe yourself:
Scatterbrain

How do you feel:
High and Dry

Describe where you currently live:
House of Cards

If you could go anywhere, where would you go?
Sail to the Moon

Your favorite form of transportation?
Street Spirit

Your best friend?
Kid A

You and your best friends:
Creep

What's the weather like:
Like Spinning Plates

Favorite time of day:
Morning Bell

If your life was a TV show, what would it be called:
There There

What is life to you:
You

Your relationship:
Thinking About You

What is the best advice you have to give:
Prove Yourself

Thought for the Day:
Fake Plastic Tree

How you would like to die?
Let Down

Your soul's present condition:
Filthier, Happier

Your Motto:
Optimistic

i'm still alive.

2009-09-16T06:27:00.000-07:00

i'm alive, but my internet connection is dying. it freaks me out. seriously. can't skype, can't chat properly, can't do research nicely, can't watch youtube, can't download dirty pleasure, can't utilize my rapidshare! fuck.

okay, here are some updates.

Cin(T)a, i think, is the best Indonesian Indie movie that i've ever seen. the story is beautiful, rich, and for me, it's interactive. the story is actually about racial issue and religion issue, a story that filled with factual prejudices, deep conversation, and daily thoughts. The movie itself is very personal, very subjective but I believe, it is the main interest of the movie itself as the director didn't really act as a director, she put herself into the character.

there's one beautiful words from her
"some movie makers, created a movie, because there's problem in society and they know the answer. some movie makers, fed up with the endless problem in society and use their movies to seek the answer."

it's beautiful respond to the question of purpose of this movie. i won't spoil much, you must watch this movie.

the tension between Malaysia and Indonesia is rising. i have no comment except fuck both sides. well for me, the sweeping action taken by some stupid animal proofs that Indonesia is not well educated at all, or there is conspiracy in this situation to worsen it, or it is a diversion action taken by certain figures to divert people's attention from the unfinished case of bombing into an act of hating an 'enemy'? the thievery which accused to Malaysia is not without strong reason, they do, 'steal' some of our cultures by trying to claim it and bring it to UNESCO, the latest one, they asked stupid ad agency to promote Malaysia by using Pendet Dance which is from Bali. wtf. they already apologize publicly and i wonder why the media tried to drown the apology of Malaysia? after they had it spread into public and rise people's temper. ow kay. Indonesia, for me, is like a dog, an arrogant dog, it's rude but it is indeed, we don't really do our job to protect our culture, our treasure, our land, and when someone stole it, we're angry and fuck up with him. If you don't want people to trespass your border, lock your door, make urself invincible enough or make urself respectable enough to be betrayed. all i can say, the mistake is not on one side, but on both sides, so since we've done our mistake, just forget it and live like a baby, live in peace!

and this problem, concerned our big boss, so he decided to hold this sudden event 4 days after our club held our own. the idea is to merge us together. Malaysian and Indonesian as we're still in school, still not tainted by the foolishness of people outside. well, unfortunately, the event is well filled with people whom had interest in free food rather than the idea of the event itself. well, i have no comments, since i don't think i have problem with Malaysian. I lived here for almost 3 years, and I found out that i learn alot from here. i feel obliged and happy here.

here are some pics of my small showcase.

My collaboration poster at the entrance to our small showcase. the imac at the side was playing the motion graphic done by my friend, Batak.

Here are reproduced prints of all the posters that my team had created for merah putih club. have a look.

Futsal Tournament poster which is my debut in MPC last sem.

Back to Kampoeng series of posters.

Salam Poster, through this poster, i saw myself a bit developed as i tried to apply the functional aspect of the design on this poster. I love it at the first time i saw it from over 10 mtrs and i still can read SALAM out of it.

Goodness

2009-09-11T13:31:00.001-07:00

this is actually one of my previous internship projects. I've been thinking on maybe I should explain more about this piece as right now, I'm in an emo state.

Okay, i've been browsing facebook and i found things that successfully made me feel uneasy. Well yeah, it's been busy months for me. mentally and physically. I'm so tired. seriously.

I miss someone. miss her so much that I can't bear this feeling but I can't say a word. It's a silent scream. I taught myself to move on by fuck, it's a pain in the ass. you can't shit well when u have pain in ur ass.

well, forget it. I won't write shit about things i don't understand.

let's go back to Goodness.

i define goodness as a light in the darkness. as in my personal point of view, people are black, pitchblack if we saw them through their negative side. but once we tried to explore their positive sides then blast! here comes the blinding light. lovely.

goodness is a light. a hope, a guide, a role.

Goodness by Wolftron.
a dedication to Mr Lawrence. it's been 4 months since you've been gone.

have a good time there!

Scary Kids

2009-09-08T11:26:00.000-07:00

Anyone had watched The Orphan? Isabelle Furhman really spooked my empty head recently. Well, I like watching horror movie with substance, and this movie really work on me. I've been haunted by these kids ghosts or psychos in form of kids and for me, they are very disturbing. Can't u imagine kid like this
could bring you goosebumps?? impossible right! anyway, that's a picture of my psycho nephew. He doesn't bring knife with him everywhere, but he is a backstabber.

back to the topic. I don't like being haunted by ghost or psycho in form of kids, they are too innocent to bring knife everywhere, shoot your head with a big shotgun which they can't even carry off, they are too innocent to hurt people.

I've read about cases in UK where kids are killing each other. My friend told me that elementary school students in Ireland, they bring guns to school. Great God, I've never even held real gun in my entire life so far.

Anyway, these thoughts brought me to the history of art. Gothic era where kids visualized in form of scary old face. Anyone had watched The Passion of Christ? Remember the face of the baby devil at the end of the movie? That's what I'm trying to visualized through this drawing.

Sketched with pencil and post proded with photoshop. hehehe.

killing time

Emptiness

2009-09-04T19:48:00.000-07:00

Emptiness. is a religion based topic developed by Dasein students for the exhibition in Annexe which we went to last days.

Their topic is actually based on Buddhism philosophy which said that every human was born naked, without anything, eventhough they live fully with lots of things, they were nothing when they were dead except acknowledgment of people around him, his 'brand' in other people's perspective. Their concept, for me, is deep, it caught my thoughts for some time and I kept thinking about it, about the value of human's life, and the value of my own life. I believe it's our reflection as well, when we die tonight, will someone remember us? when we die tonight, will there be anything in this world that matters to us except us bringing back to life again? we are nothing in the palm of fate, just bunches of flesh and bones, and some human- made brands.

The dead mannequin

Life of human is a bit miserable, I believe this is the point of this exhibition, because we live and then we die. When we died, we left nothing but memories. That is an art of living, how do we make our memory remains forever. Some people believe their memories are hidden beneath the brand of Gucci, Channel, Dolce, whatever gay brands. Some people believe their memories are hidden beneath the glamorous trophies or medals or certificates. Some also believe that memories are hidden inside other people by doing them a favor, by doing something good for them. Some believe, we have to do a crazy thing to be remember.

Without noticing, sometimes, we live for ourselves for the sake of others. Human's life is fragile, when they're close to death, they just realized that their lives are fragile, are fractured, as they don't have the cup filled with water. Leak. When they saw it, they realized. My life's miserable. I still have things to complete in this world. Cup, is the metaphor of human's life, in this exhibition, which everytime i saw the photo on facebook, it makes me think.

The cups Installation.

Well, this is how I interperate their ideas. Congratulation, you have made a beautiful showcase if your portfolio. Aesthetically, I can't say much but great, the mood of 'white' and 'plainnes' are so strong that you feel so peaceful there. The touch of Zen and the flow of cloth decorations are just great. I love this showcase, great work!
This is how they set up the 'documentation corner'. The lights bulb ey, I have a feeling that if the lights are off, the bulbs will be on along with the small candles. I LOVE THIS PLACE.

L-R Angel,Ofla, Stephen, Novia, Me, Suma, Gideon, Willy

Here and There. not Everywhere.

2009-09-04T13:17:00.000-07:00

Here is my room for a year. I love this room. The mattress is not ikea one, so it's a bit stiff and it hurts my back everytime i have overslept. My table is always messy, eventhought i only have one laptop, one drawing tablet, but here is always full of wires, ac remote control, drawing instrument, sketch books, and lots of notes...

I found that durex shit on my closet. I swear it's not mine. I'd never used that or ever planned to use that for my own pleasure..

I'm gonna stay here until I graduate, so here's where the last voyage for a year begins. I'll start doing some silly work starting today... So far, I decided to take a break off my part time work and some collaboration works. I still have lots of things to catch up with. well then... see ya!

shit?

2009-09-01T11:26:00.001-07:00

so, is this really the approach of London 2012 logo? This logo cost 400,000 pounds, done by Wolf Ollins agency and they said this logo inspired by the approach of Pop art and graffiti.

fance idea..

and indeed, shit.

So far so busy

2009-09-01T02:59:00.000-07:00

Sorry for the 'lost' within these days. I've been busy ever since after I've finished with Maya and stuffs. Well the newest poster of mine will be released soon. yippie.

Here are some stuffs that had happened to me in these couple of weeks.
1. I'm a bit disappointed by my previous design management class, and decided to move to the other class. For me, that was my wisest decision within these days. Today's class fell great, well, I believe good or bad decisions that I took had proven me 'wise', as I decided not to be disappointed and being grateful all the time.
2. I make some friends.
3. Guess what, I love art and design even more and passionate to have my own exhibition one day. Before I reached 25 if I'm that lucky.
4. I decided to participate in some design events or conferences. Seriously, I'm so passionate. I want to introduce those things to my friends cause my school sucks like shit and they didn't encourage us to see those things. that's why this school breed such pains in the ass who're arrogant and -how to say- stupid.
5. I HAVEN'T DONE ANY TREATMENTS YET

well, those are lame and boring updates. But seriously, I don't want to write down the list of things that I have to do. The stall projects which notofication hung in my inbox. great God, help me out of these problems!

Carl Fredrickson

2009-08-25T08:13:00.000-07:00

UP is an amazing movie. My attention dragged not by the cute and sloppy Russel, but this character, Carl Fredrickson. Pixar has greatly created a development in characterization of Carl since before he flew the house, until the end of the movie where he had made peace with his life, and began to do what Ellie told him too. Continue.

Well, I tried to depict the 'emo' side of Carl. I have this impression of Carl as a grumpy and lonely old man who lived in solitary. Stubborn, immature at his age as he suffered lots of lost which in a figure of his dead wife, Ellie. Carl, in his life has no one but Ellie alone. They have no kids, live together, only two of them. The lost of Ellie had driven Carl a bit insane, he suffered that syndrome of treasuring the stuffs of the dead, even he is not going to sell his house which actually placed in the commercial property area. He refused to leave the house of memories of him and Ellie.

Well.. This is how I depict Carl. Sad, angry, sensitive, lonely, and stubborn old man.

Maya

2009-08-23T05:29:00.001-07:00

Maya is an event organized by Indian Cultural Club in my school. They decided to hire us, Merah Putih Marketing and Publishing department to do their print ads. Here is the poster that I designed for them. Well, to be honest, I don't like this poster. the reason is simple. Too many texts aside the illustration which I did, all the details that I did, seems all to be pointless after I put all the mountainous informations there. it sucks man...

however, I'm so amazed by the event. Seriously, maybe if I were an Indian, it could be one hell of a great event, a great event which means I would be there from the beginning until the end. Well, since we're so jealous and overcome by this event, me and my friends decided to leave earlier, yeah, this event, eventhough they said it is an international event, it is still an Indian event. Just look at the numbers of visitors which mostly Indians and yeah, it's not so convenient. But it's great, really, they did do GREAT work.

thumbs up for the president, Vicram Lacks.

UP

2009-08-21T04:09:00.000-07:00

i put all my thumbs UP for UP.
this movie is great, that's all I can describe. The story, the characters, the technical part... The only thing that makes me a bit "wtf" is the flying dog, but forget it.

UP is another masterpiece of Pixar after Wall-E, in a more melancholic mood which shown throughout the movie. The story line is great, I always favor the flow of the narration where only music plays and cut scenes (just like the openning of Watchmen). GREAT MOVIE.

here are some pics taken by mr Suma. (we, camwhoring)

today is my mum's 50th bday, happy bday mum! God bless you!

17 AUGUST.

2009-08-17T10:51:00.000-07:00

It's a bit late to post these stuffs. Well, I'm very very tired these days. Slept at 5, woke up at 9 to go to class or just go to school or woke up just to do some shits... Okay, here we go.

Happy Birthday Indonesia.

great to be with you in your 64th birthday, this old lady still is our homeland, our home, our kampoeng. and that is our theme. Back to Kampoeng, celebrating Indonesia's 64th independence day in Limkokwing.

Well, here are some shots of the project that I did to promote this event. The most stupid and crucial part is that I forgot to put the exact time of the event. lovely mistake.

This is me and my friend Batak on 16th, preparing the huge poster's display. That one is the middle part out of 5 posters.
Saman Dance, the opening act, I was amazed by the synchronization of the dancers, the movement of their hands, the sound of the slapping hand, the sound. woah.

If you don't believe that size has no matter. better change your belief. he's the last defender and the key of brutal victory.

and here are some kids without manners. They obviously think "size does matter". but i like those guys.

Sarita, me and Angel

Oh I love this panoramic photo by mr Suma.

the poster series. 5 x A1. pencilled beautifully by Astri (beside me) and colored by our team + Adria. wonderful!

Astri, Batak, Angel, Me and Adria at the end of the event.

merdeka

Collaboration Work

2009-08-14T13:28:00.000-07:00

I've been thinking hard on how to be a better and better. Well, i'm not an anti social. I saw how talent buried by arrogance and inability to adapt with new situations. I saw how a person wasted by his own self confidence and his own perspective.

I can't live with my own. I want to have friends, I need friends to help me grow up. I think that's why God created Eve to get along with Adam. the reason why He let Adam to make out with Eve and producing two totally different kids, Cain and Abel. There's always multiples instead of single.

Well, right now I was gifted with talented people in my team. So far I believe that we've done good and improving in every projects. I just realized how important networking is. facebook, twitter, deviantart, coroflot, concept art, photography forum blablabalbala... they are indeed important. and now, I decided to network myself in www by using this blog. to whore myself, to express myself, to write things i have in my head.

That artpiece above is the outcome of what I've been thinking. well, Randy, you are not alone, even your best friend betrayed you by his own stupidity and dull way of thinking, right now, God gave me some other people whom are interested and passionate in this thing I've been working on. for that, i am grateful (this is the proof that skills and talent are shit compared to hard work and passion or ambition mix together).

I've been poisoned by some people whom are veyr important in my study. they are my boss and my lecturer to do things that were different. things that define myself. well, i've tried. and i'm not gonna stop in here.

well done my friends! gonna print this piece soon.

Typography June - July

2009-08-01T13:55:00.001-07:00

Typography is an art of arranging type and there's no doubt about that. Yes indeed and I must agreed that by that statement, we've seen typography as a plain text that we saw in street. As a container of messages that we're about to deliver. We made typography which is a design as something limited.

Typography, for me is something limited that has no limitations.
Confusing ha..

Alex (my boss) told me that typography is a design, a very tricky little thing of design which is very useful and strong which its principles (symmetrical, balance, etc). Once we master its basic and get used to its principal, it will lead us to understanding in layout, shape, and more over, we will understand very much that typography is a form. A form that is built through the universal standard of lettering, Latin words which are the universal containers of message that was applicable in all language, depends on its usage.

Well, I fell in love with this study.

Typography as a form.

Form that needs treatment.

and that form could be made from anything.

Everyone's Dream, Everyone's Favorite Scene.

2009-06-28T13:14:00.000-07:00

Genius's dilemma

2009-06-27T14:22:00.000-07:00

Genius are like these people
Einstein, Picasso, Da Vinci, Van Gogh, Beethoven, Michellangelo, Napoleon, Edison, Hawkins, Miyazaki, Thom Yorke.
They have weaknesses in making connection with people. They are unique, they are extraordinary, they are unusual. Who wants to make friend with a guy who severed his own ears? Who wants to make friend with a rude and straight forward guy like Michellangelo or Thom Yorke? Who wants to make friend with freaky like Einstein? or a loner like Thom Yorke who hate everyone cause they think too many people who live in this world don't make it a better place but ruin it? who wants them?

and why God Almighty created them?

Genius are busy with themselves. Van Gogh dedicated his life in perfecting the art of painting through his marvelous style of post impressionism. Da Vinci dedicated his life for the sake of observation in anatomy, science, biology, art, architecture, etc. People like this, we can say, they don't need friends, they don't have time for friends. But indeed, human is a social creature, they can't live alone. We have to create symbione with other living creature which are equal to ourselves, in a short way to describe, imperfection in human could be perfected by other imperfect human. Two are better than one.
But a genius? They spend their time for themselves. Most of geniuses in this world die alone, say, Da Vinci, he died accompenied by his only student, Michellangelo? Not so different. Beethoven, die in agony, left by his family and relatives... Van Gogh? he killed himself and die in madness.

Fake Plastic Trees

2009-06-16T13:56:00.000-07:00

Here is the video that me and my groupmates created.

I teamed up with amazing groupmates, which are Batak and Suma. You all know who they are. Suma is photography geek and Batak is great in after effects and other software... I don't mean to put my name beside them but i think i'm quiet handy in doing animation.. hehehe..

anyway, as our first project, I'm quiet happy with the result. Well, we already bleed while doing the video, not only our blood, but also our pocket as we have to spend a lot of money to do the survey, shooting, etc.. well, but, it's worth it man. hehee....

Our presentation is good. However, I still found that this video is still far from 'work'. I have my own target for my work, they have to 'work'

I have this dillemma, I'm not good in learning new software. I'm suck in learning new stuffs. and see after effects. too many buttons and icons there. cmon man.

however, for me, motion graphic is a new stuffs. A new media to applicate the elements of design. I forbid myself to be dragged into a special software. i kept reminding myself that everything is not about how fancy u can do things with softwares, everything is execution, I want to make my work 'works'. in multimedia, i have no confident. i mean i have more confident doing stfufs in graphic design. Well, i love printing stuffs.

and i have created this cd packages for our talent, Ms Angeline for her cooperation and contribution during producing this video.

here is it

Done in Adobe Illustrator and ehem, i'm imitating the linograph for The Eraser by Thom Yorke. well, i'm so passionate in doing something weird, and to get inspiration, i usually decipher someone else's work. to extract its essence, to get the 'why' out of 'what' and 'how'. I like this design, especially after i did the finishing and printed it out. quiet handsome for a short time work.

well, i put effort on it and Ms Angeline deserved it. hehehe....

I hope you like it. and feel free to comment.

starting this sem, I have passion to do things i like. So i could have a very personal and unique portfolio!

ciao.

Insult Typography Store

2009-06-14T22:35:00.001-07:00

INSULT is a brand which my group created for the showcase of typography final project in LUCT plaza last Friday 12th June 2009.

For me, I am satisfied by how the event goes on. it started suckily, i believe, and i'm pretty sure, the organizer of this event is not well prepared. Or moreover, it has no strong preparation... committee from students have to carry their own tables... and this is a final presentation which we actually have to perform in a very fit condition, not in a bad mood, in a sweat, in a very confused condition.

okay, enough.

INSULT is a proof that typography which is an art of arranging type could change the perspective of ugly words, INSULT is a proof that typography could create mood which is contrast to the context of the word itself.It's like saying F you in I love you way. My idea is actually based on my bad habit. I use curse language more often than i use polite language. but most of my curses are done in a joking way, to spice up the conversation. The idea is to visualize the 'joking way'.

and here is out booth and products. I think our group is well prepared... we have packaging, we have marketing and publishing strategies, we have certain level of aesthetic aspects that is unique. and the most interesting part for me, is the idea of using curse words. Our logo itself, i believe, since i designed it, it's eye catchy enough. Well, you can't see a middle finger as a logo everyday right? but still, i believe i need to learn more typography to make it better next time.

Our idea visualization is in form of buttons and tshirts. Mostly tshirts. Since 5 of us in a group, we have over 25 tshirts to sell. Luckily, some of us sold out our product. Only some tshirts left.

For the booth design, my idea is to enhance our product. I learn this art of displaying by exploring behance.net, looking at people's portfolio and moreover, i tried to immitate Shun Kawakami's displays. Very clean, very straight, very neat.

The motion graphic is nicely done by my friend, Batak. The finishing and the quality control of the products are done nicely by Jane Ody and Angela. Well, this event is succeeded, i think. However, i need more and more event like this. simulation.

and of course with a better guidance and better direction.